theworsethingsgettheharderifight:
I just want to open up and talk and remember… My head. You made me feel insecure.
“You want to cum after I just put all my energy into fucking you for a whole 15 minutes? Well I’m not in the mood anymore so you can just masturbate and I’ll lay here and pretend like I’m paying attention to you and pretend like I want you. ” … Instead I roll over and curl up in a ball with my sex toy in one hand and trying to hold my tears in with the other. I wait about 5 minutes before going to the bathroom to pee so I don’t get a UTI and because our baby likes to kick my bladder about this time every night. I come back to bed and find that the light are out. I make my way around you and lie down. I keep my mouth shut so I don’t accidentally say what I’m thinking or feeling again but it’s hard when in my head I’m screaming “WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH! YOU MADE ME FEEL SO UNWANTED AND INSECURE!”. You start to rube my back but fall asleep within 5 minutes, which I think I’m okay with because I know you gesture of kindness is only so I keep my mouth shut. You made me feel insecure. Today
When I have nothing distracting me i think about killing myself. |